I do not understand ANYTHING!!

I have absolutely no clue what this just told me, isn’t there a test site that gives you results in plain English. Like this is slow so fix this part of your website. All I see is colors and numbers and I’m pretty sure my site completely failed overall, but I don’t know why, I cannot even tell you what my test results say. Someone help me understand please.

You can refer to the site documentation. Also, I find it helpful to view videos on the topic such as:

There’s a few people here who can explain how to use the tools WPT provides. If you would post a link to the site you’re testing, one of us could then run some tests on it and explain it to you.